Writing what you feel.
2003-12-02 4:45 p.m.

I think that today is one of the more mellow-dramatic ones I've had in a while. The kids weren't too awful...just cranky and ready for naps. I fixed that, I gave them hot baths and put them to bed!

Other than that....everything feels so emotionally tight right now. Kinda like you feel like opening up and writing a big sappy entry about everything and everyone around you, but you just don't know what to say. Like when it just keeps lightning outside in a storm, but the rain never falls. Or when you keep waiting for an answer, and finally realize that you're never going to get one. It feels like that today. I don't like it, but I'm not pushing it away. You can only ignore something for so long. In this diary, I have tried to make it open for everyone to be able to understand what happens in my life. I've tried to explain things, and it didn't ever really work. It was still like I was beating around the bush, so to speak.

So a while back I'd decided that I would just write about 'daily happenings' in general. Not really go into specifics anymore, or write about things that were really running through my head. It's not that I felt it was too hard for me to do...it's just that I got tired of people judging me over what I feel. I know that this is an unlocked diary. I like it that way. I don't like passwords or keeping things hidden. I got to a point where everything built up for soooo long that I just said "to hell with all of you, I'll write what I please in my own diary!". That lasted for a little while. A temporary moment of peace....knowing I could write whatever I wanted, and just laugh at the things people would taunt me about. I refuse to lock my diary, and I refuse to type a certain way just to make other people that read 'happy'.

I just felt like saying that.

Love,

Leslie~

Before::After