I'm so much more than a maid.
2004-02-09 4:24 a.m.

Well, it's been a while since I've updated in here, and I figured I should. Mike went to work Saturday night as planned, and it went very well. He chose not to be to work Sunday night, however, because he has to be at Chevron plant on Monday morning no later than 7am. So he'd be working 24 straight hours, and that's just too much.

Too much work? Holy shit, thought I'd never say that in my life about these shut-downs!!!

It's time for a new template, but I'm not sure when I'll have the time to make one and put it up. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure when I'll have time to do anything anymore.

This is more than busy. This is the kind of busy where your head is buzzing with things to do, people to write, call, message, talk to. Websets to deliver. Bill collectors to talk to. Mothers to listen to, and take care of all at the same time. Children to feed, play with, bathe, sing to, and read bedtime stories to. Husbands to love, hold, care for and keep happy. Animals to feed, pet, play with and keep clean after. Floors to sweep and mop, dishes to clean, counters to wipe down, shelves to dust, clothes to wash, dry and fold, and meals to cook.

Being a mother, wife, and graphics designer (incognito) means all of these things are up to me every day. All of these things take time, effort, and are harder work than most think.

Sometimes it can get you down.....you get to that previously stated point where your head is just......buzzing.

You can't just stop and think...you can barely look up at the clock, and see how far the day has gone and how much you've accomplished by then. Sometimes life can be very complicated, you incur issues, you deal with them, and you hopefully move on. Still, every day there's the clock...mocking me. And ticking away with all it's might, threatening me that I won't ever get done. Part of me knows that I can do everything in one day, get every room sparkling clean, have all three children happy, fed and clean. Have supper on the table when my husband comes home from work. I know I can do this. With lack of self indulgance, self being, and without caring about me. Without saying once during this time "I think I'll go take a hot bubble bath" or "I'll just sit here and read for a while, and sip hot cocoa or coffee."

Those things rarely happen here in the clock tower that I live in. Every day is a race, a battle between work, and time, and I never seem to win. If I win, I don't even get to shower for 15 minutes, or even have the time to slap on makeup. If I lose, I feel so unaccomplished. There's no way out, and that clock is going to beat me in this race every day. There's just no beating time. Not today, not tommorow, not ever. I won't sacrifice my 15 minutes for 2 loads of dishes. I won't.

My house is not filthy, and for those of you that know me well, you all know this. This entry isn't meant to imply that, or that members of my family are unhappy. This entry is for me. Myself. So when I feel unaccomplished, like I haven't done enough, or done well enough on anything, I can look back on this entry and realize every single task I do during the day is important. No matter if it's singing to my children, or washing clothes every day. Every thing I do is part of an undying cycle. A web of sorts, that isn't done spinning until I'm retiring with age. This way, I'll know that I am a very important part of my family, and I always will be.

Love,

Leslie

Before::After

What you Missed:
VENT TIME!!!! - 2004-09-16
Getting up Early - 2004-09-12
We're all fine - 2004-09-11
Update on everything - 2004-09-08
Update and Beths birthday - 2004-09-04

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