A story of how i feel
2004-01-23 3:47 p.m.

My childhood-

My childhood was something to be expected of...from what my parents thought they knew. From the time I was born I was considered a blessing, but also an accident. So, I had the image of someone who would be totally different in my union of 5 siblings. 2 sisters, and 3 brothers is what I had. And the next to my age was 9 years my elder.

My sisters took me under their wings...helped me to learn everything I needed to know. I was at a 2nd grade level when I went into Kindergarten. My brothers constantly poked fun at me...I was chubby, I was short....all those little insignificant things that you remember growing up.

Every Saturday morning my brother, Mark, (the next closest age to me), would wake me up and we'd have cereal while watching Cartoons. I remember tickle fests, playing cops and robbers...feeding the chickens and running from the roosters.

My next-to-eldest brother, Jason...he was my protector. He took care of me, chased away the boogie man, and the mean pit bull dog that chased me every day to and from the school bus. He would bring home fluffy kittens, and hard rock candy. He was the one I looked up to most of all.

Joe I remember...I remember us swimming in the river. I remember him coming over and crying because someone shot him in the ass with a pellet gun. He was 14 years my elder. But still, I had a closeness to him. He was also very giving, and nurturing. All of my brothers symbolized a true father. All three of them together made me feel like I had someone I could talk to, or go to if I had the slightest problem.

My eldest brother, Joe, died in 1992 from a gunshot wound to the upper abnominal area. He lived for 11 hours and 20 minutes on life support. I was 12 when my first sense of reality hit me hard..like a ton of bricks.

Jason, now is on crack, and can't be reasoned with. His wife is someone I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw.

My closest-to-age brother, Mark, never can get where he wants. He's always unhappy...on the inside. He's never able to show it..and always hides his fears and sadness, but I can feel his depression, and his heart ache.

My dear mom, who is always getting put down by Jasons wife...helps me more than anyone ever could. She's always there for me...even if she makes things seem a bit tense or frustrating at times, she's allowed to, and I love her with everything I am.

My sisters. I'm not going to get into that subject. They don't speak to me, I don't speak to them. They're both on some sort of "I don't accept my family" trip and they can stay that way for all I care. I do love both of them, and I miss them dearly, but nothing I can do or say will ever ever change the way they think of our family.

My dad. I can still smell his cologne...and I can still see him walking to the coffee pot to get a cup. I still hear his voice, and all his advice, even the peices I didn't take. I still feel like he's here, and I'm sure that will never fade. I love my daddy...and I'll always miss him. My dad passed away, and only got to bond with my one child, Joe. Joe still remembers him and talks of him like he were here...and that's wonderful.

I guess that sums up this entry...and I hope that you all know a little bit more about me and the way I feel.

Love,

Leslie

Before::After

What you Missed:
VENT TIME!!!! - 2004-09-16
Getting up Early - 2004-09-12
We're all fine - 2004-09-11
Update on everything - 2004-09-08
Update and Beths birthday - 2004-09-04

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