I need help.
2004-01-30 10:34 a.m.

I am in serious need of advice here. I have tried everything I know of...everything people have told me, different strategies, different discipline techniques, everything with my children known to man, I suppose. Nothing is working. Nothing! Joe is 4 years old, and constantly getting into shit. Not just normal stuff, either. He trashes whatever room he feels like trashing at the time, and he is old enough to know better!

For instance, all of my make up is kept in a bag on my dresser in my room. He went in there while I was cooking supper just a few nights ago, and tore every bit of it up. Every bit! He not only tore it up, but he also stained my walls, and my sheets with my concealer and lipsticks, oh, and mascara!

He got punished, and he said he wouldn't get into anything anymore.

This morning, I went to take a shower. I figured the kids would sleep until I got out. I was in the shower for about 20 minutes total. I got out, and there is flour and sugar, and my last carton of coffee creamer all over my kitchen floor. For the third time this week! Yes, he got in serious trouble the other two times, also!

He got put in time-out for 4 mins, and then I made him help me clean it up. I gave the boys breakfast when Dillan came downstairs, and afterwards, I showed them a new thing.

I had gone to wal-mart last night, and bought a bunch of different party favors, balloons, etc. I put them all in a bucket with a lid, and I told them that it was the "treat bucket". (This was the new thing.)

I told them that every time they did a chore they were asked to do, or every day they behaved well, that they could pick a toy or "treat" out of the "treat bucket". They both nodded, and went to pick up the toys from the weeks playing.

I walked outside when they went upstairs, and checked the mail. I came back in, and Dillan is standing by the door. I asked him what he wanted, and he said "Joe has your treat!".

Right when I looked up, I saw Joe sprinting upstairs, like someone lit a fire to his ass! I ran up behind him, and looked, and guess what I saw?

Fresh, sweet, sticky red kool-aid poured all over all the new toys and treats...all over the bedroom floor.

I cleaned it up, while bawling like a fat baby. I lectured him as much as I could without really freaking out or getting angry, and he was crying because he saw me crying.

I just don't know what to do. I can't ever get a damn thing done around here, or cleaned around here, because I'm constantly cleaning up mess after mess that he goes behind me and makes. Yes...I know what you're all thinking, "you just need a break!" Well, I know...but there is no way I can get one right now, and for a while, at that. Here's a list of some things I've tried with my kids:

Alternative disciplines such as

Time Out

Taking away a toy, or game

Not allowing to go outside for a while

Making the child take a nap or lay down (also known as quiet time)

I've tried the reward system with

Candy & Treats

Shopping for a new toy

Letting them play on Nick Jr. by themselves

Giving them paper certificates they can color

playing a special game with them they choose

making them a special dessert they choose

Almost every day we do at least three of the following

Do a Craft together

Watch a movie together

Color together

Cook a meal or bake something together

Play a game together

Dance and listen to music (we call it the jump around zone)

Take turns singing into the karaoke machine

Go jump on the trampoline

Swing on the swingset

Have a picnic lunch outside

____And I'm sure there is more____

Here's a conversation between a good friend of mine and I...just to give you an idea of Joe's background:

psycho_carebear03: i have to take him to the doctor i guess.

alannasmommy: why?

psycho_carebear03: well, nothing else is working here.

psycho_carebear03: i bought a book on ADHD alternatives to medicine.

psycho_carebear03: i have tried every single strategy in that book, and then some.

psycho_carebear03: and I just dont try them for like, one day, I try them over and over, to get them adjusted, and they never work!

alannasmommy: Nothing works. Good lord.

alannasmommy: There's a new med out that's non=stimulant, it's supposed to work great

psycho_carebear03: maybe i'll try the one-on-one therapy first. before meds.

alannasmommy: that sounds like a good idea. LOL

alannasmommy: Maybe through a psychologist as opposed to a psychiatrist

psycho_carebear03: well, the lady was a psychologist, or therapist. she had an asst. play-therapist, and when he got "kicked out" of play-therapy, he saw the psychiatrist. So, I can call her, and see what she says. She understands b/c her niece and nephew both have it, and stuff.

alannasmommy: That's cool. i think psychiatrists are too quick to prescribe meds.

psycho_carebear03: thats exactly what he did, too.

psycho_carebear03: he talked to me for about 15 mins, then talked to joe for about 20.

psycho_carebear03: He called me back in

psycho_carebear03: and said "he needs meds for his aggression, he just threw his shoe across the room because I asked him what his favorite color was."psycho_carebear03: I felt like goin "boo fucking hoo!"

psycho_carebear03: lol

alannasmommy: LOL

alannasmommy: and the only meds for agression are tranqs

psycho_carebear03: he was going to perscribe that 7mg Aderol. which is a good med, my nephews are on it,

psycho_carebear03: and 7 mg is standard....

psycho_carebear03: but I just wanted to see if I could "fix him"

psycho_carebear03: and now i feel realy fucking useless.

alannasmommy: it's not you

alannasmommy: if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do. it has nothing to do with you, this is about him.

I really do feel useless, ya'll. I feel like it's my duty to be able to understand him, and make this WORK without medicine and therapy. I feel like I should be able to do that, because I am his mother. I just am sooo wiped out. I'm really really sick feeling right now...and I'm at the end of my rope. So...does anyone have ANY ideas for me???? Or advice???? I'm going to go now.....I hope you all have a nice day.

:o(

Leslie

Before::After

What you Missed:
VENT TIME!!!! - 2004-09-16
Getting up Early - 2004-09-12
We're all fine - 2004-09-11
Update on everything - 2004-09-08
Update and Beths birthday - 2004-09-04

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