Just keep forgetting about me, why don't you?
2004-05-01 9:51 p.m.

Today I've come to a conclusion....one that will not only change "how" I am, but will make this facade of who people see me as go away. Don't understand what I mean? Then you just might be one of the following people I came here to type about. I have very few friends on the internet that I reach out to, or speak to on the phone. I don't let many people in, because to be honest, people just aren't 'good people' anymore. Most people are out to get you, or make your life a living hell. I've been burned too many times over that shit, so I choose to keep my friends in a circle no smaller than I can count on one hand. Still confused?

Let me put this in a factual setting for those of you that won't understand because you barely know me or you don't give a shit, or both.

Say you're at someone's house with 30 other people. You're being as nice as you can be.....doing people favors, being yourself, telling jokes, mingling...but you start to notice that noone wants to talk to you anymore.

You run to the bathroom, check your hair, face, clothes...and realize that there isn't anything out of place. You think to yourself, it must just be me....and go back out into the room.

Still, noone really wants to talk to you. If they do, it's to ask you for 'another favor'.

That's exactly how I feel. Like almost everyone around me is using me, or just pretending to be friends. Why? Am I just being paranoid? No....I think not. I really don't think so. It's also sad that people don't respond to a friend that mentions something about me...that's pretty shitty in itself. There could be 90 fucking emails in my inbox on a day like today...and I assure you, there are. But not from anyone that I'd like to speak to. Just the same old people that sit at their computers typing away going, "Who was that girl that mentioned she knew HTML? I know I've known her by 'net for over a year...but I can never remember her name! I really want a siggie tag with stationery for my email!" If that's the sort of person that you are towards me, then I suggest you just stop right where you are, and keep on forgetting my name. You are the reason that I hate the internet, hate meeting new people, and hate social events. And just to let you know, if you're afraid that you are that type of person to me, or if you have one inkling that I may be typing about you, then you're probably right. I talk to my best friends at least once a week, and If I haven't spoken to you in a while, chances are you're one of the people on my 'not so nice' list.